Today was busier than anticipated. I went food shopping, ate, worked on something for potentially starting a novel in earnest, cleaned, then I made cookies, cooked dinner, served dinner, and then I got some time to myself. This time, of course, is tainted by the fact that I need to go to bed…5am will be here no matter what.
- I accomplished very little – blah
- My day was mildly hijacked because I offered to help someone – blah
- This feeling of overwhelming pressure is growing – blah
- My goal to drink 64oz of water is resulting in far too many potty trips – blah
Let’s hope tomorrow is better.
This has been one hell of a week. I don’t know if it’s me or what. It has just been/felt horrible and has made me feel like I can’t do my job anymore. Here’s hoping that next week is better.
On the upside, we watched The Imitation Game tonight and it was awesome. Benedict Cumberbatch is just a great actor. Also, my dog is such a sweetie; she just LOVES to cuddle! Even on the worst days that warms my heart.
I think I may pursue a lifetime wish to learn ASL. Some local community colleges offer a couple of classes and then after that it seems like I just practice…
Another thing I found, which I found interesting, was this. I have always toyed with writing a novel…but lacked the structure. I’d like to believe that this could help me. A quick search to understand this Google Sheet led me to this page. Maybe I will add this as an objective in my Bullet Journal.
- Posting on the correct day- yay!
- Worried about a meeting tomorrow- ugh.
- Watched Ant Man – it’s worth a watch.
- Did some yoga – oww…
- Calories at 1598 – sweet!
- In bed and warm – /yawn
This trend needs to stop…I just am so tired lately that I pass out before I can even write a quick blurb about my day…
- Becoming more apathetic about work – not good
- The reaction on the hub’s face when he saw dinner (Turkey Chili over spaghetti squash) – adorable
- Eating said dinner – Yum!
- Watched Inside Out – good little movie…except with both cried for Bing Bong (btw…I have seen my husband cry 3 times in 5 years…this is one of those 3)
- Nice cuppa tea made just the way I like it – amazing.
Also, I am loving this Bullet Journal. I already have felt it become a part of my day and it has caused me to be more mindful of the “Healthy Type Stuff” that I wanted to track at the bottom of each page. I aim to eat 1800 or less…
- day 1 – 1885
- day 2 – 1803
- day 3 – 1548
- day 4 – 1350 (exercised for 30+ minutes 🙂 )
- day 5 – TBA, but as of now I’ve eaten 870 (exercised for 30+ minutes 🙂 )
I exercised today basically because I have 3 days left in the week and I know I won’t exercise tomorrow (Fridays are busy) so that leaves Saturday as a definite day, which made today the other definite since I hadn’t exercised before yesterday this week.
(I am a terrible drawer…)
This is my “Creative Space” for the day. Whenever I work out my dog is VERY interested…
- Hard day at work – yuck
- Left overs so I didn’t have to cook – always good
- Sherlock Christmas Special (finally) – awesome
- Pass out immediately after special- /yawn
- Hubby puts me to bed – awww!
- Fall immediately back to sleep making it impossible to post – oy!
- Long first day back. /yawn
- Headache – ouch!
- More lemon blueberry squares – yum!
- Bullet Journal – check
- Realization that I’ve really gotten off track of eating healthy – double check
- Puppy snuggles – 😀
- Spending time with the hubs – yay!
So, I officially started my Bullet Journal today. I came across this concept on one of my many “rabbit hole” adventures on Pinterest. This is the Pin that started me on this path. I found it way back in September and decided to wait until the new year to implement it…yes, I realize we’re 3 days in but I still count this as a win! As January got closer I decided to do some more digging online, on Pinterest specifically, and I decided (officially) that I wanted to try this. I’ve never been good at keep journals, but this appeals to me for several reasons:
- It serves a function besides bemoaning one’s life.
- It can help notice trends in my life, which can be fixed (or at least attempted to be fixed) as a result.
- There doesn’t appear to be a “wrong way” to do this…
- It’s a personal thing as this is customizable!
- For me it brings together different facets of my life into one, non-digital, place.
- I’ve always liked writing in books.
Here’s what I have so far. I got this lovely journal at Barnes and Noble; I fell in love almost instantly. These are the inside pages of the book. Here I drew a diagram of what each portion of my page means (left) and a legend that I imagine will grow with need (right). The diagram reflects what I thought were the things I wanted in my Bullet Journal:
- Notes for the day/things to accomplish
- A creative space of a poem hits me or a thought for something to write or a project I want to start…you get the idea.
- My thoughts for the day, or my “Dear Diary” section (Notice how small it is – I didn’t want space to wallow.)
- A space to track my ongoing healthy endeavors.
- A happy thought of the day/what I am grateful for. This was a new addition, like within the last hour. I decided that I would make a point to think one happy thought a day. I think some days this will be easy and others not so much, and on those days it will matter the most.
My thought is that this diagram may change month to month until I find out what really works for me. I decided that I wanted a calendar in my Bullet Jornal, so I put one in (right)! I taped it so that I could flip it up and leave general notes for the month. On the left I marked with Washi tape the color/pattern of the month…which will make more sense in a second – I promise. Using the matching Washi tape of the month (indicated on the index page I promised would make sense) I taped off the sections for my Bullet Journal. This, literally, took me a little over 2 hours. I cut the strip of Waahi tape in half, otherwise I just wouldn’t have had enough tape. I’m not sure I would do this again, honestly…but I was in for the pound since I put in the penny. You’ll notice the first 2 days of the month are empty…I figured I should be honest and leave them blank rather than make past me look better than she actually was. Here is today’s entry. The bottom bit, the healthy stuff tracking, will looked like this every day, I mean that the same things will be tracked…with one exception. I will “weigh in” on Sundays, so that box is only on several pages a month. I made some decisions here about what to track as well, things I want to work on.
- Drinking “enough” water – my goal is 64oz…
- I want to exercise at least 30 minutes 3 times a week and now I’ll know if I do in such a way that I can’t lie to myself or anyone else.
- We eat out FAR too much during the school year and we need to stop. Just like in point number 2 this becomes data that I can’t ignore and I hope that will push my tired ass to cook more.
- I have a Fitbit, but I don’t do much with it, so I decided to make myself accountable (like in 2&3) by taking stock of my steps each day.
- Then I will monitor my calories eaten each day. I know, I know, there are apps and I’ve used them but they don’t do much for me. I lost 60 pounds keeping track of the number of calories I ate, nothing more, and I’m doing it again. I know there are different schools of thought about this, but I chose to do this because it works for me.
- My above mentioned weigh in, which was a late-ish addition. I had gotten through to January 20 (page setup) before I thought to add this to track. It’s easy to pretend I’m not gaining weight of I don’t step on a scale….
And that’s it…for now. I’m sure I will bring up BulletJournalling again. I am very excited about this and I hope it becomes a habit…or else I spent a lot of money and time on a dud.
BTW…the lemon squares are awesome. I just added more lemon (like a whole lemon worth of rind and half a lemon worth of juice) and blueberries (on top of the creamcheese mixture), but I’m sure any version of this is yummy.
- Brunch -yay!
- Bullet Journal (more in this later)
- IKEA for a sewing table – success!
- Late night call about a loved one being injured – boo.
- Too tired to write a legit post but wanting to stick to my resolution? – (/yawn) check
My resolution was to blog something everyday about my life. My resolution was to blog the good, the bad, the awkward, the amusing, the <insert vague concept here>. As it’s 10:25 on the first day of this new year and I haven’t even gotten on my computer (I am typing this on my phone…) I figured I should get to it.
The thought that is weighing on me is our, my husband and my, inability to produce an offspring. We’ve been trying for 2.5 years and we continue to try. We are nearing the end of our options, however, and that is depressing. After about 7 IUIs (inter uterine inseminations), about a dozen rounds of Clomid and about 4 rounds of Letrozole (Femera) with the Ovidrel “trigger shot”(all fertility medications), and some months off to get back into a better place mentally/trying the “old fashioned way” I lay here completely unpregnant. I lay here feeling as if I have failed at the most basic thing my body is supposed to do.
We’ve stumped to fertility clinics; we are in perfect health and should be making babies, but we’re not. We have one more hope and then that’s it. IVF is just not something we can even consider. We don’t have the spare $15k to bankroll that endeavor.
So, there it is, day one of the new year and it’s haunted by the 2.5 failing years that came before it. If you’re reading this and you feel alone because you’re going through something similar I hope you feel less alone. Struggling with infertility is not something that gets talked about so it feels like (for me anyway) you’re a freak left on your tiny island – alone. This can be crippling.
I’ve shed my fair share of tears over this feeling. I hope that knowing you’re not alone helps you to shed a few less because, let’s be honest, they are still going to come. You’ll get up on that morning, the day of your “missed” period, which you have dutifully tracked. You’ll get your test out, you’ll pee on a stick, you’ll wait, you’ll be disappointed (again), and you’ll cry. Another month and no baby – no hope. The weight is unbearable and you’ll feel like you can’t go on; you go on anyway.
I’d like to believe that this makes us stronger, that it will just make the day when the test is positive that much sweeter. Maybe that’s just a lie I tell myself. It’s a good one though and I will keep telling myself it.